Episode 1: “Little Green Eggs and Men” – Sponsored by Amoeba Spa

It’s alive, it’s alive! (like himself) The first resort hotel that is an actual living organism! Book your tastefully decorated cellular room today at Amoeba Spa and Casino, found on the outskirts of the Omega Nebula. Comfy rest sacs, unlimited cocktails synthesized in the Osmosis Lounge and 24 hour buffets in the Proteus Cafe are just some of the most popular features we offer. But the best thing about Amoeba Spa and Casino is the fact that as a living, breathing creature, it is always growing, which means we always have a vacancy available for you. Come and stay with us and we’ll absorb all your cares and woes and who knows, once you find your place, you might never leave! Amoeba Spa and Casino, Once you’re here, it’ll grow on you!

Episode 2: “No Longer Supported” – Sponsored by Oogie Boogie’s Candy Crush

Now that Halloween has come and gone, do you find yourself struggling with a ton of leftover candy? You gave out all you could but those bratty kids only wanted full size candy bars and not the fun size bargain bag you got from the Dollar General.
You could take it to the office and dump it in the breakroom but now that you’re working from home, the breakroom is your kitchen.
Introducing Oogie Boogie’s Candy Crush. The OBCC takes your sack of sweets and converts it into your very own Oogie Boogie doll. It dances and sings, and will entertain your children for hours. No batteries required, just put it down in front of your children and let the fun begin. You say you don’t have children. Not to fret, it is also animal appropriate. Simply lock it in a room with any pet you spouse brought home and that pesky pet will find a way out, never to be seen again.
Warning! Do not use the Oogie Boogie doll within 30 days of Christmas. Side effects include Oogie Boogie kidnaping and torturing Santa. We highly recommend locking it away into a dark, dark basement unless you really, really, need to unleash it.
Oogie Boogie’s Candy Crush. Found on the dusty shelf of a forgotten second hand surplus store near your.

Episode 4: “The Guardrails First Thanksgiving” – Sponsored by Bevsfordt’s Delusion of Grandeur

Giving thanks at this time of the year is so passé. Why give thanks for something that is out of your control… Here at Bevsfordt’s Delusion of Grandeur, we specialize in helping you appreciate your own power to control… well … everything. Whether it is the father/daughter team you specifically told to stay out of the Magic Roundabout, or Aliens using humans as game pieces in a session of D&D, or an AI trying to murder the murders at a dinner party. Bevsfordt’s Delusion of Grandeur is what you need to make a bad situation worse.

Remember when you thought that you
Were leader of the Universe
And now they say that you are a jerk?
Well,
Two heads you thought would make you smart
You stole a ship that has a heart
Without a towel I think we’ll call you Dirk
And,

Side effects include believing you are a celebrity, an historical figure, or a deity. It is quite often found in people also diagnosed with schizophrenia or narcissistic personality disorder or even those with an over active imagination, but never those who have a lack of imagination. If you or someone you know is experiencing these delusions, it is important to seek professional medical or psychiatric help. Simply message us here at Bevsfordt’s Delusion of Grandeur. We have teams standing by to pick you up.

They’re coming to take you away, HaHa
They’re coming to take to away, HoHo,
And off you go
To the ROACH Hotel where constellations mark the doors
And Lava spreads where once were floors
And ghostly voices tell you more
Than you ever wanted to know
HaHa

Bevsfordt’s Delusion of Grandeur is the best way to resolve those holiday blues. After all, it isn’t a delusion if the Universe really does revolve around you.

Episode 5: “Christmas Dreaming” – Sponsored by Time De-tarnisher from Beckett Industries

Have you ever searched for just the perfect souvenir while time traveling only to arrive home with it to find that it has lost its luster? The shine and patina on your purchase ends up being attacked by time travel tarnish.

Don’t let time travel tarnish impact your purchases anymore. All you need is a canister of Time De-tarnisher from Beckett Industries and one of our time travel pouches. To completely ward off time travel tarnish, it is simple; take your object and spray our time travel detarnisher on it, insert it into the bag and seal it shut.

You will be completely satisfied with your experience using time travel detarnisher or your 88 microcredits will be returned. Before your next quantum leap through time, get your own canister of detarnisher and protect all your purchases from the devastating effects of time.

Beckett Industries striving to serve all of your time travel needs. Happy time travels.

Episode 6: “A Day with Two Faces” – Sponsored by Bevsfordt’s Calculated Cocoa Life Chocolates!

My mama used to say, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates.’ But now I am here to say ‘she was wrong.’ Because now, thanks to Bevsfordt’s Calculated Cocoa Company, Life IS a Box of Chocolates!
That’s right, now Life is a box of premium chocolate treats made especially for you! And just how many chocolates do you get? Well, it all depends on how old you’re gonna be when you die! Here at Bevsfordt’s Calculated Cocoa Company we used the latest Time Transportal technologies to figure out just how many years are in your time line and fashion a custom box of our mouthwatering chocolates with exactly that many candies in it! But there’s more! Since this box represents your entire life, the individual truffles inside should do the very same thing. So each piece of our delicious candy is filled with the exact ingredients you have poured into your entire existence. Sure there are plenty of wonderful experiences – graduations, little league ballgames, falling in love for the first time! You’ll find all those sweet moments in your box of Life Chocolates. But that’s not all. Do the lies you tell on a daily basis taste bitter? Well just wait till you taste our ‘Karamel Karma Delight’. You’ll be gagging in no time. But don’t order yet – the best is yet to come! Buy a box of Life Premium Chocolates and you’ll also get a head’s up on just how many years you’ve got left which could be pretty depressing, but that’s okay, just have another chocolate! That’s why they’re here! So, run Forrest, run! And place your order today for a box of Bevsfordt’s Calculated Cocoa Life Chocolates! Before it’s… too late!

Episode 7: “Origin Story” – Sponsored by Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone

That’s Right!!! Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone!
Your “Golden Ticket”, Your “Golden Compass”, Your “Golden Child” from the Eddie Murphy movie by the same name, Shoot, it would be your “Babble Fish” if babble fish were real! — What?

This is not a Beta! “Beta fish”! More like “Go Fish”
It’s not version 1. Never buy version 1 of anything. Too many bugs.
It’s not version 2.0. That is nothing but a silly marketing ploy.
It’s not version 3.14. No “Pi’s” here.
It’s not even 4.0 or 5 dot anything.
It is the all new, all knowing, all powerful, version 6! A true marvel of technology but without all the messiness of those finicky apps like Google Translate. No phone needed, no laptop, no tablet, not even a personal translator to follow you around. — Wha…at?

Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone is not an app. It is not an electronic device. It is… a “Stone”. Tha…at’s ri…ight! And like what David did for Goliath, we will implant that stone right between your eyes. Some call it a third eye, we call it Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone.
Once the stone has been inserted, you WILL hear, understand, and speak all languages.

Spanish? Si!,
French? Oui! Oui!,
Mandarin? Shì de!
German? Ja!
Swahili? Ndio!
Yiddish? Oy Vey!
Klingon? HIja’!
Cryptophasia? You know, twin speak. 6…7!
The only thing we can’t translate is your partner’s request, said while brushing their teeth, and expecting completion before you come to bed. — “You just aren’t listening to me.” Wha…at?

Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone is a rock, and will hurt when applied. The rock itself has not been tested, certified, or even washed. Any similarities to any other rocks you may find along the side of the road is purely coincidental.

Cracklin’ Rosetta Stone. The only thing better was to have paid attention in 9th grade Spanish.

Episode 13: “Come Van Helsing” – Sponsored by BRAT GPT

When you’re too cool for school or the Neanderthal pool or rules made by tools and fools miniscule, you can shortcut your zaps and slaps and traps when you whap and clap for them to shut their yaps by using the latest in AI HeatherTech programming: Brat GPT.
Need a clever comeback? Brat’s got it. Need a rockin’ putdown? Brat’s got it. Need to bully till you can’t bully no more? Well that’s not going to happen because Brat will take your bullying bat and knock a homerun every time and just keep going! So forget going to class, forget building a future, forget becoming a productive member of society, that’s just for nerds! Who needs a happy fulfilling life when you’ve got BRAT GPT!
For the cruel, for the selfish, for the wieners everywhere, Brat GPT. No one gets away with making you pay, except for us! Mommy and Daddy’s credit card required for signup and there is never a cancellation fee, because you can never cancel! Brat GPT where your worst future starts now!

Episode 14: “Dancing In The Dark” – Sponsored by Holt’s Hats

“Holt’s Hats, Hats for Heads of Distinction” is the originator and home of the extraordinarily famous fedora that has been topping the heads of men and women alike for the last one hundred forty-four years.

Beginning with the first fedora worn by star of stage and screen, Sarah Bernhardt, our fedoras have graced the heads of many different Royal family members, movie stars, models, CEO’s, presidents and all manner of politicians, judges, social media influencers and average Joes, Jills, Juans, and Celestes. Most notably Jessup Doubt, that invisible detective of Space Croutons fame has been seen wearing a Holt’s Hat fedora. Well, he actually wasn’t seen, but his Holt’s Hat fedora was!

These fabulous accessories are available to every person who wants to top their noggin’ with a fashionable piece of headgear. Since beginning in 1882, Holt’s Hats have been on the cutting edge of apparel for you and your family’s heads.

No matter if you are looking for cunningly crocheted infant hats, warm beanies with ear flaps, character hats, cowboy hats, boonie hats, boss of the plains hats, bowler hats, cartwheel hats, derby hats, homburgs, panama hats, boaters, sun hats, top hats, baseball caps for children, teens, adults, even your beloved pet, or hats to promote your business or favorite political causes, we have what you are looking for. Our design studio can create the hat of your dreams and get it to you yesterday through our time travel express delivery. Available wherever hats are sold, at your local portal store, and through online, or direct delivery retail.

Remember ‘Holt’s Hats, Hats for Heads of Distinction’. At your service whenever you need just the right hat for any occasion.

Episode 14: “Dancing in the Dark” – PSA

“Attention! We interrupt this podcast for an emergency alert.  This is the Emergency Broadcast System alert to give you a warning about missing children. Just like five years ago in season one of Space Croutons when children went missing during the Eternity phenomenon, we are getting reports of children disappearing into other dimensions via portals like a grandfather clock. 

The Folded Sheet Brain Trust, FSBT, has met and determined that the cause is once again linked to a man-made transportal device. The same kind of device that caused time to fold in on itself as reported just two years ago in Space Croutons season four. Only this time it isn’t the IDGT (pronounced idjit) device but the InstaPlanet device. The Veras saved us last time when Vera reversed the IDGT and traveled back through it. We call on the Veras to save us once again. 

Everyone should also be aware of the nefarious intentions of the None the Wiser or NTW corporation and their attempts to interfere with the FSBT by forcing an upgrade on the SALIs which prevents them from helping us find Curdy and retrieving the key to organizing the Veras. The FSBT is sending this message out through the only SALI who has not upgraded and therefore can still help us contact the Veras.

To recap, PSA, EBS, NTW, FSBT, IDGTs, SALIs, Veras and missing children! This is not a drill! Or a hammer, or a screwdriver, although it could be a cowbell… wait, where was I?

This has been Christopher Walken with an Emergency Broadcast System alert via the InterVeg. Veras, we need your help …and yes, I need more cowbell.”

Episode 15: “Thought Racers of the 13th Zodiac” – PSA

Attention! This is an Emergency Broadcast
System alert update
Regarding a warning about
Missing children.
Wow, Wow, Wow. What – are – you – doin’?
What do you mean? “What am I doin’?”
I mean, who – are – you?
What do you mean? “”Who am I?”  I am the great, yet modest Christopher Walken.
Wow, Wow, Wow! I am the great, yet modest Christopher Walken.
What do you mean? “You are…
And stop asking “What do you mean?”
What do you mean,  stop asking…
Cowbell!
I don’t mean to presume, but you need a course on the Multiverse and how two entities from different dimensions can exist and even interact for a short time.
“A course on the Multiverse?” I run the FSBT. The greatest minds of all time work for me.
Same in my dimension, but I hate to tell you that you have a couple of lame ducks on your team.
“Lame ducks…?”
Yes, Turbo, Galileo, and Da Vinci. Their transportal device is going to cause you a lot of trouble. You’re lucky you have the Vera’s.
The Vera’s? 
Trust me, ‘been there, done that.’ But that isn’t what this PSA is about. This one is about the Insta-Planet device, built by the NTW Corporation. 
Sorry, but… What do you mean?
I mean each time someone starts messing with time, the Vera’s have to save us. So listen up. This PSA is to let the Vera’s know that the Insta-Planet planet creation process is unstable. And if they can’t stop it, ‘Life as we know it will change.’ And not just about missing children. It could be even worse.
You mean, no more cowbell?
No more cowbell.
But I always need more cowbell.
Yes, yes you do. We all do.
So you’re sure? The Veras need to stop the NTW Corporation and the Insta-Planet device or we will have more missing children AND no more cowbell?
Very sure. This has been Christopher Walken
And Christopher Walken
With an Emergency Broadcast System alert via the InterVeg. Veras, we need your help …
Do it for the children
And the cowbell